What Is Cancer?

You ask me what is cancer? Listen to me. Here I am emotionally drained, shaking with fear, and with tears in my eyes. I will tell you. Listen to me, without pity. Listen with understanding. Put yourself in my exhausted, emotionally drained body, and hear me.   

Cancer is that moment when a loved one is diagnosed. It’s the questioning of doctors, God, and all those ‘are you okay’s?’ that people ask, when it’s obvious that you’re not. It’s the sacrifice that everyone has to make to keep her immune system level. It’s the hope, that today won’t be her last. It’s the hope that you will be strong enough for another day. It’s the aloha (love) that can fill a room, when you are given good news. At the end, cancer can easily become a rushed “aloha” (good-bye).

Cancer is fear. When that phone rings to tell you the news, and all you can do is hold the phone and silently cry. It’s knowing the statistic for that particular cancer, and already having a hard time grasping onto hope. Knowing that marriage, babies, and that “happy ending” she always dreamed about, is slowly slipping through her youthful fingers. It’s the fear of saying those last good-byes. It’s the understanding that she won’t be here for the next birthdays and Christmases. The fear of knowing that she won’t be there to pick up the phone when I just want to talk. Cancer is not only the fear of the unknown, but the dread of knowing my life has to continue without her.

It’s the questioning of the doctors. The feeling of need to have them be wrong. Even when you know deep down, the cancer is starting to take over. Cancer is asking God, “Why?” Spending months, praying to God, asking Him to please heal her. Asking how could He allow this cancer to form in a person with so much love and only wanting to share it with the world.

Cancer is sacrificing. It’s having to sanitize the whole house, so when her immune system shut down, she would at least have a safe place to stay without fear. Spending any extra time you have with her, acting as a caregiver. When she becomes too weak to get out of bed without guidance, leaving you to dress, bath, feed and entertain while her mom hides in another room to grieve. It’s the sacrifice of not only time, but the sacrifice of losing yourself in all those fake smiles you keep putting on for her sake. The hardest thing to do is put on a smile, when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and sob over every memory you have created together and the thought that you have so little time to continue creating more.

Cancer is learning how to enjoy those small moments, because you never know how many new moments you will be granted with. When she becomes too weak to form sentences, each breath becomes a struggle. But, finding a way to laugh together as we made our own version of sign language, and just being the true dorks we were. At the end of the day, those small moments are the ones I remember most. Cancer is about hope. Without hope, it is too easy to just give up.  It’s that moments when she finds enough strength to pull herself up and take a couple steps forward after weeks of being in a wheelchair. The aloha (love) that surrounded the room when we realized she was getting stronger was amazing.

Cancer is saying that final “aloha.” The whispering of “love you,” will forever be burned into the back of my mind as will the moment her fingers turn cold, bright black eyes became a dull gray. And knowing at that moment she was not really with us anymore. I tell you this, cancer is about the “aloha,” for the reason that at the end the only thing that matters is love and acceptance.

The Story of My Life

A young women stumbles as she walks,
It seems that she’s clumsy as she talks.
At times she mumbles,
Quotes, poems, book titles, and on she rambles.

She is as independent as a burning flame,
Needing only a starting frame.
At times she seems so focused,
Much like a lingering locust.
She is kind and tender to those in need,
More willing then most to take the lead.

Glasses magnify her beautiful brown eyes,
Her clothes are dress-code complied.
With dark hair that seems to have no end,
Flows down in waves and transcends.

A family she has,
So strange, so crazy so filled with piazzas.
With a mother who teaches and a contractor for a father,
Thank goodness they are no longer together!
A sister who seems to be lost in the world,
but slowly coming into her own.

She lives by faith, with the symbol of her sins,
It is easy to find, as it lays under her chin.
She lifts her hands to speak,
It seems to be classes are twice a week.
Her hands so agile, so ready to sign; To speak to those that have no voice.
She wants you to know that everyone has a choice.


Okay, so I wrote that my senior year of High School for my English class.

All Is Not Lost

One must look inside of who they really are
to understand what they are capable of.
Some might be leaders,
followers or maybe the teachers.


As long as you always remember
who you truly are.
And stick to your morals,
anything (even your deepest desire),
is possible.
Because nothing is impossible.

As long as you really want it,
you will fight for it,
and as long as you fight,
all is not lost.

Love & Hate

Love can be found in the darkest alley,
As hate can be found in the brightess alley.
Not everything is black and white.
It is not always as you see it.
Eyes tend to play tricks on our hearts,
As our hearts play tricks on our minds.

Poetry is...

Poetry is a story, at times you have to read between the lines to appreciate it. It’s when there is emotion, anywhere from sad, discouraging or happy and wise, when poetry is at its best. The significance of poetry is not the thing being said, but the way it is being said.

I suppose people have a love/hate relationship with poetry, for the reason that at times it’s hard to write a poem with rhythm. Every so often you come across a poem that is hard to comprehend what is actually happening. Nevertheless, there is a lot of people that are passionate about poetry, and that can understand it word-for-word.

Personally, I love free verse poetry, when there is no right or wrong. My logic for that is,it's not fun to write, when you can’t put what you really want - because it doesn’t rhyme or have the current line count. Poetry to me is an outlet. For the reason that poetry can signify so much to one person, but the person beside you, will have no idea what your truly reading or writing.

Keep Breathing

There are these rare moments in life that are true glimpses of a perfect world. Maybe that perfection lies on a mountain under falling stars in the night sky with the person you love. Maybe that perfection lies in one last sunrise over the ocean with your family before one sun set.

Maybe that perfection lies in every little moment that makes all the other moments worth living. They are the moments that stay with us. Even if the people who were with us in those moments move on, change or leave us for some reason, they are always with us too. And neither life (as we all live and move on) nor death (as we all will die) can take that from us, for the moments may be fleeting, but the feeling is forever.

Goodnight world. Keep us all safe tonight wrapped up in those wonderful moments with the ones we’ve loved and lost. They are forever a part of our hearts no matter how painful losing them may have been.

All we can do is keep breathing.

                          [Ingrid Michaelson]

Oh My God: Akua Ke Aloha (God Is Love)

Peter Rodger, who is the film maker of Oh My God, is a very courageous man that traveled the globe to ask a question that many have died over- Who is God? This film is packed with facts and beliefs of a large diverse of people.

As a believer of God, I feel like I learned a little about my own faith; by watching how people all over the globe, worship God. Peter Rodger did a marvelous job on capturing people’s cultures and diverse religions in a beautiful and in a significant way that actually draws in an audience.

Father Michael Collins of Italy stated that Catholics believe that everything is beautiful, even things that are made by man are in God’s image, therefore are also beautiful. I found this statement comparable to the Buddhist statement on the beauty of nature and their surroundings.

In between part of the film one man declared that, “All the wars of the world are about religion and land.” I truly believe this man’s statement is one-hundred percent true, with the addition of oil. There would be no other reason for people to die other than fighting for their religion and/or land.

Peter goes on to declare that there are four reasons why people believe in God. One, we have no idea how we got here; therefore God must be the creator. Two, doing good deeds will get you into heaven, so god is a policeman. Three, the fear of death. Only knowing that our bodies wrapped, the rest is speculation, so God gives eternal life. Four, everything is God’s will, therefore God is the scapegoat.

In Kenya, East Africa, a tribe will sacrifice lambs to God. They will eat from the flesh and use the sheep pelt as part of the worship ceremony. One man went on to say that it will often rain after they conclude a sacrificing ceremony. Trying not to be judgmental, I honestly have to say I am thankful that I do not practice a religion that requires sacrificing an animal or another human. For example in Guatemala the Mayas used to participate in human sacrificing. The Mayas would use alters to cut off the heads of willing members of the tribe to be sacrificed. They believed that it was the fast track to the underworld.

The man from the undisclosed location honestly frightened me. Knowing that he had weapons with him during the interview is a little nerve-wracking. When he stated with such seriousness that, the Christians and Jews shall forever go to the hell of fire from the Koran, it is worrisome that people’s interpretations can be so misguided that they would truly kill another human being. The problem of interpretations, and lack of teachings of the Koran is truly terrifying, however it reminded me on how Christians can also misinterpret the Bible and take it to the extremes at time.

The Princess Michael of Kent, in London proclaimed that, “God is goodness, and all goodness comes from God.” I found her testimonial honest and properly the simplest out of many of the people in the film. Her proclamation reminded me of something that is said in my family, “Akua Ke Aloha,” which translates into “God is love.”

One Israeli man proclaimed, “How can you love your neighbor, if you don’t know him? You build walls that only wars can break down by not listening to your neighbors.” This proclamation reminded me on the reason I took World Religions, to learn and understand diverse religions. I want to be able to have a civil conversation with people of a different religion not debating but just the understanding on what their religion consist of.

I really cherished the conclusion where people said “God is love” in various diverse languages. Other than the man from the undisclosed location, almost everyone else stated that God is peace, happiness, goodness, beautiful and love.

  God may be different religions but the love is universal.