The Connection with a Religion

I was raised in a home that participated in a Christian society. We practiced it with holidays, church on Easter and Christmas and the morals of right and wrong. My mom’s family was really into the church activities every Sunday, were my dad’s family really wasn’t’ into the whole “practicing religion thing.” My sister and I would go with my mom and her family when she wanted to go, but we never really had a deep connection with the church during my childhood. Growing up, some people would call my dad atheist and at times I believed them. It was not until later that I learned my dad was not atheist, he just had an issue with organized religions and would not participate in any one church or denomination of the Christian faith. My childhood was not focused on religion but more the understanding of morals and the beliefs of the Christian faith.

When some kids have to go to Sunday school and partake in a religious activity, I would be volunteering with my mom at different organizations helping people. At the time, I didn’t understand that my mom was teaching me what being a Christian was truly about. I just knew that my mom had this obsession with helping people and volunteering our family for different activities. But truly, she was laying down the foundation of the idea that serving others before yourself is a much greater thing to do. Now, I find myself volunteering and doing “good deeds” just because, and other people tend to think of volunteering as too time consuming, where I think, what better thing to do, then serve others with ones time.

My view on women during my childhood was focused more on my mom and how she portrayed herself to me then a certain religion aspect. It was never said that the women’s job was to take care of the kids while the man carried the financial burden, but in a way that is what my family lived. My dad’s opinions did not exceed my mom’s, they worked together equally in the house/family. My mom showed us that a women’s job was to love her children, no matter what. She started laying down the bricks of my foundation of women’s rights by saying it was my duty to never back down from a fight when I boy said I could not become a firefighter because I was a girl. It wasn’t really about wanting to become a firefighter, but more the thought that a boy told me I can’t do something because I was a girl that made my mom sit me down and have my first conversation on the rights of women. (It also doesn’t help when my great-great grandma partook in the fight for women’s voting back in the day)

Over time things have changed, parents divorced, moving, graduations and deaths have changed my family tremendously. One of my biggest changes personally have to be my faith in God. Which is why I found it surprising when I received my results from the two surveys I took regarding my faith. For example the Belief-O-Matic results were Reform Judaism, Orthodox Quaker and Orthodox Judaism. It could be because I based my answers not on my religion and how it “should” be answered but my own personally beliefs. For example I know some people in certain Christian faiths are extremely anti-pro-choice and/or homosexuals, were my views are for both of them. While on the Spirituality survey I scored a 79, meaning I am a questioning believer. I guess I would be considered a questioning believer to some that go by what the bible says directly and not reading the in-betweens. What I truly question is when people that say they are Christian and then say God hates _____. I have a hard time believing God hates certain people, when He made them a certain way. But like I said, I am learning and pursuing an actual relationship with God now and understanding that being a Christian, isn’t always easy.

In 2008 I was baptized into the Christian faith and started my journey as a Christian. Growing up I was learning the fundamentals, but now I am taking those fundamentals and actually doing something with them. To understand the history of my faith now, I have to go back to 2008 when I spent more time in black than any other color. In that year alone, I went to five funerals all for people (friends/family) under the age of 22. That year I went into, what the doctors labeled as Major Depressive Disorder. My small town doctor also was a member of my church and told me to read a couple pages of the Bible a day when I start having “bad thoughts.” I went along with it and actually started to pay attention to what I was reading. I got sucked into it and started to have conversations with my family on God.

That summer I was baptized. The next year I held my cousins hand as she died of a brain tumor at the age of 22. The thing was, earlier that morning I remember praying to God asking Him to take away her pain. I guess He did it the only way He could. Unlike my dad that has a hard time with God, I did not question the “whys,” but more on what I learned from my cousin. My family and friends tell me I have come a long way from 2008 regarding my faith, and I have to smile and thank my doctor for that because without his idea of reading parts of the bible during my M.D.D. I would not have taken the path in my faith.

Since my childhood I have made a connection with a religion. Christianity. It was not that I wasn’t a Christian before, I just did not practice it and have a real connection. Ever since 2008 I have looked to my faith for answers when I needed help. Because it’s not only about identifying myself with a religion but having the connection and understanding of it that makes it your own.